Poets heart and Soul

Myspace

2005-08-22T21:18:20Z

Here is myspace link

Sry i am not going to be using this one all that much due to not what it needs is not customizable as much and it is nothing but a blog which i have and more on myspace... so this is the last post also u can visit my site at

http://ibputz.com

GF's suck

2005-08-11T04:07:50Z

Ok well i think all guys feel like this sometimes.. or all the time depending on how it goes.. Well i am just finishing up a relationship with could have been a wife or a long long term BUT i guess we went to fast or somthing.... it is really hard to explain how it went ... it was all good a few times we had a close call and i mean close that we were not going out and everything... but now we are not longer together and i feel kinda relived.. Ok well i met her through a friend that was staying at my house for awhile.. it was kewl we started talking online then she wanted me to go to church with her which ok.. I don't have anything against seeing the sites so to speak.. Well after we went that next month we hung out all the time.. and i mean evey minute she was not working we were hanging out.. it was kewl well we went to the mall in cuse.. and then we started hitting it off.. not sure really how either of us started.. but we did it was kinda weird we were inceperable.. that lasted about 5 months then she didn't love me anymore is what she told me that is ... she told the ppl at work that i was to controlling ... i am not sure what to think but she is one of those type of ppl that are still attached to there family and freinds and if it interfears with them in anyway forget it they leave ya... well she is still young and i can understand why... it is just painful when i really feel for her and now it is like night and day to relize i lost the one that could have been... Now there is nothing really i can do about it now it is over and no freindship either bc she chose her other friends bc i was in the minoirty... The other GF b4 her and subway... ARG ... well i was sitting outside talking with a freind of mine and my xx came by with her bf and yea well he hit me and shyt to make a long story short and he ended up going to jail for like 2 nights or somthing after a month long trial .. and now i have a protection order against him ... so it is funny when i am walking down the road they cross the road to get out of my way so they can't get in trouble:) Ok well that was shorter than i had thought:) ohh well ... either way i can't put all of it in here due to privacy and things that can't be said really bc that is only things that the gf and bf should know not the world... NO sex was just things that were said between us about our lives that will prolly nvr be told only to our other finds... well i am done for now so i will leave you to your thoughts and also just keep in mind that i am here and that no one will be taking that away unless somthing happens that will be taking me away:(

long time no post....jobs and life

2005-08-11T03:54:32Z

Well as is my life has been going around and around and it comes back to the same thing..

My LIFE SUCKS... there are others yes who have a worse life than me which is ok i am sry for that.. well on with the posting:)

Well i posted just recently that i would put more info about what has been going on.. i am not sure where i last posted bc i keep a rl journal so i am not sure where i left off and i am to lazy to open up anything to see :)

ok somewhere around quiting subway is where i left off i think not sure. Well my life after that was not all that great. I am living with a freind of the family *was my grandmother on my step-fathers side bf b4 she passed away* His name is trax he is one great person he gave me a place to live and stay and such which is great. Although the job issues are being a pain in the ars.. it took me almost 3 months to find another one and that is all bc of one person i met through a friend. I will make a new post all about that. This is just going to be about jobs and other shyt. When i got with her she got me a job at p&c a local grocery store which is not so bad just a few ppl like always in every job that annoy u to no end.

there is more than just that in between like working at cybernet for a lil while to cover a vacation that the owners had for a week or 2. I have known them for awhile now it is quite interesting to be freinds with owners of anything and actually get to go in and do somthing that i love to do.. work on computers:) So i am not sure when i worked at a place called future tech computers either ... not sure if b4 or after subway.. but who knows i am not sure.. there has been alot of things happening really to many to type in here without making it feel like reading a sob story which i hate it when ppl feel sry for me..

It is all my fault for where i am at no one elses fault. There has been so many things i wanted to do with my life and no real way to get all of it done or i set the goals way to high to acutually reach..

I have been tring to get my ars in gear to get in some more schooling and it has not happened yet. Although, when i get to ca that will be the first thing i get when i am there after i have a stable job and such bc i need those papers to get a better job.. until then i am stuck with the shitty jobs that are in the area.

It is very interesting when u type all your shyt out bc it comes out all jumbled mess but if you know me then it makes perfect sense bc of how i was raised.

Anyways there is a place that is just opening in town and i dunno if i am getting to work there the person has not called me yet .. it is a pizza place ... there is a person working there that came to cybernet all the time so she got me a dish washing job there which is really kewl.. so it helps to have some freinds i might be able to get up some webpage shyt as well.. So who really knows what is going to happen in the future..

It has been hard to figure out what is going on in my life but i guess it all is how it seems in the end and not what we think...

Ok enought about that and i think i am done on this one so i will make another post about the GF part..

Long time no post

2005-08-09T04:43:38Z

Well i am here again and i am alive .. i don't really have to much to say but i do kinda one of those times:)

But as it is i plan on moving not sure when i think...

7 - 10 months is when i am hoping due to funds but if all works out then i might be able to leave sooner:)

I work at p&c a local grocery store now:( REALLY sucks ... my x works there so i am just not in the mood to go into that ... my life over the past few months have been very interesting to say the least.. i will get into it as soon as i can... but for now i will leave you to your thoughts like always :)

No harm no foul

2005-02-07T21:04:09Z

Well i was talking to a person and then come to find out she has a bf... it is quite interesting to find out talking to the supposed just freind.

Not really mad but just annoyed that i could have been told about it. It is not to hard then i wouldn't have had to find out by the person himself and him talking a bunch of shyt. It is nice to be told that there going to kill you if i do anything with her.. it is kinda weird to think that someone can have such a bad temper for someone that they have nvr met and have no threat about it...

Well other than that my job is cutting my hours to like 11 and it is pissing me off i asked him to give me more hours last week and nothing this week so i will tell him again and then if nothing then i am looking for another job to get some hours from them... I mean i don't have much of bills but still i want to have money to work on other things like my computer and my dog...

Another thing about that she is still not lisencesd and then ppl are calling about her not listening to them... NO KIDDING.. she is not there dog LOL but ohh well anyways all i bet are having a better days than me... hopefully i will be able to have more hours then i can pay for more stuff ... talk to yall l8r

Angel

2005-01-13T02:48:08Z

Well I got this as a spam on my yahoo one of those things people send back and forth but i thought this might be somthing to add to the list of saying or poems what have u...

*i sent a angel to watch over you last night but then the angel came back i asked "why?"
The angel said "angels dont watch over angels" *

So i like that and i sent to my freinds who i thought would be in need of a pick me up... anyways today went better than i thought. I have gotten my phone that i wanted on ebay earlier than expected. It is a nice phone that does what i want and nothing more. No need for all the jaz that is added on now...

Works so far and hopefully between friday and monday at the latest i will have my cell phone activated. It is somthing i wanted back. Moving from ca that u needed a cell phone and now that i haven't got one is weird. One of those things that ppl don't relize how much they use it till they actually don't have one:( ANYways i will be giving out the number to a select few ... only close freinds and family will have it and even some family won't have it. SRY even some freinds prolly wont have it till they ask for it.

It is a samsung 3500 through sprint. It is a plain phone with no color*what is the point in color? "WOW look peeps i have a color cell phone SO WHAT" lol * It does have somethings that i like ... it does the voice calling.. "call dueces" and it will call my sweet heart.... Anyways i will have to write more l8r as i make sense of what is going on. But either way i still care about deuces. *sry ppl no real names* but there is alot i have to say but i will leave that to my RL journal pen and journal book coming out.. so write more l8r

another day another moment

2005-01-12T21:15:56Z

Well another day another moment waiting till that faithful moment in time to hold your hand and say i care for you and i will always be there where you need me and always have my heart in your hands....

Well anyways today is going ok i am talking to i hope will be my happiness but whoknows but only time.. so will talk to ya l8r.....

Day by Day

2005-01-11T21:35:30Z

Well long time since i posted but i am posting now ..

Well i went on a "date" sort of just took someone out for lunch and such...paid for it but didn't bother me she needed it.. When we met it was weird because we had met before and we couldn't figure out where we met until we went though the jobs we worked at. We both worked together at the mall. Well before i could ask her for a real date she just wanted to be freinds.

Well i went home and was talking to a freind of mine and she wants me to visit her which is going to be kewl. It will take me about 16 weeks to 17 to save the money to go there... It is going to be kewl i am going to take a trip to ohio first and then get to KY. She is going to be going to University of Kentucky in the fall. So i am going to be saving the money to get the money to go.. i will be going there for about a week or 2 not sure yet want to talk to her more.. going to cost around 1k to go ... that is without the trip to ohio. Who knows what is going to happen till i get there..

She is really kewl she actually plays online games like i do.. so needless to say she is similar to me so it is going to be fun at least hang out with her.

Well work has been really tiring .. i worked like 48 hours last week it is hurting my time on the computer and just resting. I have the same schedual this week as i had last which is pretty kewl so i hope everything works out this week... I have the same day off which is kewl because it is a monday so i can still do running around and shyt.. I will be hoping that i do hit it off with her so i don't have to look anymore but who knows she is in KY and i am not sure if i would move there to stay with her.

It is weird to say this but i feel kinda drawn to her.. not sure y... i had not seen her picture in awhile and i still feel drawn to her. it is a weird feeling like i said to be drawn to someone you have not yet met in RL. WHOKNOWS.... I will have to find out more when i have another conversations with her. (luv ya dueces) Anyways i will write more the next time that i can.. hopefully all in my life will work out..

Kinda kewl to relize i am getting my old phone from ebay and as soon as i get it i will be able to use that phone with sprint... I dislike the new "color" ones i want somthing just mainly to answer calls and take calls and that is all.. i don't need anything else... i don't care about the other shyt.. it is pointless to have all the other shyt.. only thing i might miss is the camera but i will just get a dig camera to solve that:)

OOK i am done for now.....

Blah day

2005-01-07T05:46:24Z

Well today i got up around like 1pm and got all my "SSS" done. *shyt shower shave*

i just finished all that and then went to cybernet and sat there for a lil while and then went to work..

after i got out then i went back over to cybernet .. I left there a lil after 10 then came home and sat here..

I mean my life needs more and hopefully soon i will have a reason to look forward to the next day...

It has been an uphill battle tring to get my life back together again.. Getting job and a stable home and shyt.. well at least i have the stable home but the job is somthing to be desired..that is another day...

anyways i am tring my hardest to get used to working with food it is a pain i like working with ppl but learning the foods and smelling it all day is getting annoying..

Well enough for now..

But on the good side i might have a "date" with a freind of mine if things work out ... but nothing like you think.. it is a freinds having fun... nothing more i want to just have some fun like i used to...

God dam Smart dog

2005-01-06T04:34:58Z

Well i was playing "soccer" with the dog bone to annoy her... well it worked and the other dog wanted to play so i pushed it to him and he started eating it... well my dog wanted that bone bad enough and picked up another one...

and heres the kicker... dropped at at the feet of the other and grabbed the other like a trade off... HOLY SHYT i about laughed my ass off.. after dropped at my feet like ok lets play:) LOL it was the funnesit thing in the world to see...

new year

2005-01-03T08:36:00Z

Well i got my first check and now i am spending it on the things i wanted to ..

First thing i spent it on was some cookies from work so i could bring them to the fist night function. That btw went really good we sold out of the bawls drink we had there it went great. (anything u want to know let me i will tell u l8r it is to much to type:)) anyways it went great had about 80 ppl all together in there through out the night.

next thing was to get my roommate some food and cigs. Well he had paid a while back for a dinner for me so it was time for me to return the favor. When we went there we sat down and were having a riot with the cook and the waitress. While we were there my x and her new bf walked in and i have a order of protection against him. At the time i didn't know that he wasn't even suppose to be there when i was but ohh well.. (found out from the cook who also didn't like him.) We had a fun time eating and horsing around with the other ppl there besides x.

Well the next thing on the list is to get the gifts for my roommate that i wanted to get ahile ago anyways but have not had a chance to get them yet. i will however get them soon but he don't want me too:)

Well on the bad side our router might be messed up or somthing bc it kicks us offline and online all the time so right now roommates computer is hooked directly to the modem to the dsl so we could figure out if it was the modem which we don't think it was.. either way next step is to hook just my computer to the router and see if i can get it working and not disconnect me all the time.. but i will do that when i actually wake up:)..

Well i guess that is all for now i will write more l8r as always ...

Always rememeber a freind is someone who you can call apon to be there when u need them the most not when you have money.. :)

"First Night"

2004-12-31T07:11:43Z

Well i am hoping all goes good tmrw ....

"first night" is a city wide function for those who don't want to get drunk or do and drop there kids off in town and pay for a 7 dollar button:) LOL But anyways It will hopefully be fun

My group of people are holding a gameing function on the 11th floor of the state office building for those who want to join in..

I have to wake up at like 930 and get my computer broke down and my tv.. then i have to walk over to my grandmothers and talk with her then take the car back to my house pick all my stuff up then go to glan at 11 and then wait for all of us to get there... THEN we are all going to get the stuff rdy for the glan ...(bus provided by city) ... then we will all be going to dullas and lugging all the stuff up stairs and then setting up our place... It is going to go smooth i hope...

Well anyways having issues on my router or somthing and keep getting dissconnected pissing me off..:( so i am tring a few things the next few days after the new year to get it fixed.. but anyways i will chat more with everyone when i am up and running once again... Write more next year... LOL L8R ALL

Last day of training

2004-12-28T21:21:40Z

Well all is good it is the last day that i have to train or to see how i do at subway.. i will be sitting and doing everything today on my own i will have a great time due to the fact of i think i have all the stuff down but might take me still alil while to get used to it... like remembering all the codes that i need to know...

Other than my job everything is going alright.. i am still hopeing that i will have enough money coming in to get cell so i can actully have a phone to my self and abiltiy to take it with me with out worries...

There is not much to say i am just sitting at the cybernet and waiting for a few minutes b4 i go to work which is right next door:) so it will take me a matter of like 5 seconds to get to work:)

I am still talking to a freind of mine online and it is fun when i talk to her due to the fact she don't care if i can't sing she thinks it is nice:) LOL But other news i am finally getting some amps so i can hook up my record player fianlly and get it to where i migt be able to hear it ... but i am not sure yet stil have to take a walk down to the store and check on the prices.:( might do that tmrw if time lets me... alrighty well time to go to work so i will talk to yall l8r..

I will hopefully have more to write tonight (or tmrw) when i get out of work but who knows....

Intersting lil Quiz my answers

2004-12-27T18:41:31Z

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Mark
2. Marcus
3. Sal

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Djel1980
2. wonderfullysmurfy
3. nuradin

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My Personality
2. My Legs
3. My abilty to get along with everyone

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF: *Do i really have to answer?*
1. My Face
2. My Hair ( oily and dandriff)
3. My Scars

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. English
2. German
3. Native american(VERY SMALL PORTION)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being lonly
2. Loosing freinds
3. Getting told I am none caring person or selfish

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Deoderant
2. Pen & Journal
3. A great Attutide

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Nike Hoody
2. Kaki's
3. Subway shirt(almost time for work)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS:
Go to the next question....

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS/ARTIST AT PRESENT:
1. Air Supply
2. 3 doors down
3. ZZ top

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12
MONTHS:
1. Get a job doing djing
2. Getting classes in djing
3. Get a better sleep schedual

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (besides
love): (well i guess freind said them the best not changing them at least first 2)
1. more dates
2. more talking
3. Walking in the moon light

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I hate leatuce
2. i have a size 9 1/2 foot
3. santa is real

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT
APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Red Hair
2. Well kept body
3. Beautiful Eyes

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:*can't do or don't want to do?*
1. Be a Mean person
2. Stop Play games online
3. Stop listening to music

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Meeting new ppl
2. Biking
3. Sleding *WE ARE ALL KIDS AT HEART*

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Have a Cancer Stick
2. Get some cookies
3. Talk to some freinds

THREE CAREERS YOU ARE CONSIDERING:
1. Webpage master
2. Computer Technician
3. DJ - On radio or For Gatherings

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Germany
2. Italy(land of Love)
3. Australia

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1st child: Dustin/Bridget
2nd child: Paul/Hanna
3rd child: Shaughn/Teressa

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Quit Smoking
2. Spend a day on a movie set
3. See one day of peace in my life

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW OR ELSE! :
I hate chains SO SCREW THIS QUESTION!!!!

First day closing

2004-12-27T05:26:25Z

Well i just got home and started my music. *well put in a record*.

Anyways it is alot of work to close a subway .. and it is going to take along time to close the store and make sure i get it all done.:( It is alot of things to do with prep work and such and the paper work and the inventory that needs to be done everynight. Plus the register and the safe needs to be counted. It is small amount BUT put on top of that you have to tear down all the stuff in the front clean it and rotate it and put in new bins and such. It is alot to do in the small amount of time and then you have to wait on customers. *reminder to tell about one customer had today about not eating meat but yet eating a TUNA SUB* There are alot of things to do and tonight it was fast only bc there were 2 of us and i was learning the ropes so i was doing what i knew what to do.. dishs:) while he was traing me on the different things here and how to do them.. well i got most of it already just need some more time to get the rest. Ok well enough about that.. NOW for the customer this will make ppl laugh:)

Ok he comes in with his wife they order 2 whole subs.. get he special *2ft long for 7.99* ok no problem he orders a tuna and she orders a chicken. Well as i was making the subs i cut open the bread they want and he says to me "Can u wipe the knife off b4 u use it on my sub i am not a meat eater." Ok no problem.. I wipe it off thinking alergic to mayonase or something then i relize he don't want the meat on the knife while i am making his sub... NOW WAIT A MINUTE He ordered a TUNA sub that is meat if i am not mistaken WTF?????? Well i made his sub first and not questioed about it and then made his wifes or whoever she is.. Then he says thanks i don't like to eat meat so i didn't want to ge the chickin on your gloves while you made my sub WTF????? U HAD TUNA???? Well i let it go and held my moth shut and didn't say a thing... BUT STILL " I DON'T EAT MEAT....." BUT YET ORDERED A TUNA SUB!!!!...

Well anyways after that i just laughed my ass off and worked on closing the store..

My trainer Chris is really kewl it is fun to work with another person who can work and have some fun also.. but i guess i am done now so i will write more l8r when i get a chance.. L8r and peace to all:)

Day after Xmas

2004-12-26T20:18:17Z

Well i am in a good mood although i wished had gotten one thing:) I thought i had givin enough hints but i guess not:( Wanted a sled but might sound weird:) I don't care i still love to be a kid and the snow makes me feel like one all over again. Not a worrie other than that HARD landing after going over a jump or somthing.. lol Anyways i am doing pretty good i am still in the early stages at my job but i am getting there slowly. I have completed the first 3 days of training but i still have to go through the last few stages like closing. I hope i don't actually get opening or closing it seems to much hassel and they already know the ropes on how to open and close i don't think i would really be able to handle the opening and closing deals .. Although i have not closed yet this will be the first day of closing so after i fininsh this i might have more of an idea. Right now i am not sure but i know opening is to much hassels and to much to get done in so lil time and i don't think i could do it:( but i will work on it. Well i am still keeping my head up but i don't know for how long. I still wanted my one job with the call center because i have done that before and i like doing call center work and i know what to do.. PLUS i don't have to deal with money. I have this fear or messing up the money and i don't want to do that. I never liked dealing with money it always drives me nutz dealing with it. Well there are alot of things i did get done int he past few days.

I got a nice hat which you can turn into just about 20 differnt things. It is the best thing in the world. I might look like an alskain person but i don't care. Plus i got another book that i can use as my journal. I ran out of room in the last one i had so i can now start writing in the that. YES it is all my personal stuff that i don't want other to really know. Only a few ppl have ever been allowed to see it. But yet those ppl i don't talk to as much or not at all anymore. My grandmother gave me some new jeans and some other personal affects:) Today my grandmother bought me some pens and pencils.. *zebra - only kind i like to use*

I don't think i mentioned it b4 but i hooked up my record player and it is still in need of an amp so i can hear it properly:( But i will have to make due with what i have for now.. I am all good but i could be doing better..

I still have not asked what i am getting for the hr rate at the job but i still don't really care for the facts of i don't want to know.. i just want this job so my family will stay off my back about not having one and i have some extra spending money and money to give to my roommate.

I will explain more about my roommate l8r i will give u a lil insit... He is my decessed grandmother (on step-fathers side) boyfreind. Pretty much that is all u need to know ... i will make a statement about it more l8r but for now that is all the reader needs to know:) Anyways i have rambled on enough i will write more when i get home from work and let you all know how it went fo rthe first closing...

Job Search is over

2004-12-22T03:27:48Z

Well i am happy i am finally getting a job.. although i have to shave:( but hey it is a job and i can say now i have a real job not a web based job:) But either way it is an early start for me to get to the place so i can start filling out the paper work for it:)

Well all has been a great day... i got to open one presant early due to the fact of i needed it:) Which was a shaver:) I can't use the normal razors and such those strips they put on them erritate my skin and the cream does as well.. SO i got a new razor for xmas from my grandmother. All that end well is WELL... i dunno about that but sounded good:)

write more tmrw about how it is going in my woods:)

Job Hunt

2004-12-21T18:37:04Z

Well i got very good news ... i got a good start on a webpage design. Plus i have a meeting at the subway here in town to start there.. SOOO i am doing very good at least i will have some jobs to get my butt off the ground again..

I will at least have the subway job.. The webpage job i am not sure bc it is already started and it is going to be a pain to try and incorporate the old stuff with my style but who knows what will happen all i know is i am going to try and get this going and see if can do somthing so the poor person can get his site up and running.

Well other than jobs i am doing good like this morning...

I woke up put on my cloths to take the dog out... Walked outside and FORGOT the dog... i felt so stupied... Well i went back in to get the dog and took her out and she did a flying piss and shyt all in one motion.. IT WAS FUNNY.. i guess it was a lil cold for her.. LOL well needless to say i got all things working out i hope now...

It is fun living where i am. Trax is a really kewl guy and i hope that we are nvr in bad terms it would kill anything i have ... i almost feel like this is home when i am there..

Today.. hmmmm

2004-12-21T06:11:58Z

Well the last few days have been interesting...

So far yesterday i vowed to nvr have a station with anyone else due to recent events. I thought someone was a freind and understand my life but i guess not. They said some things that were not so great. All becuase i want to have a REAL LIFE and not a fake life online. Well i am over with the facts of certian things..

Other things i am going to finally watch Blade:Trinity so i am going to have to get some funds to go but i think i am not going to be able to get some. Well anyways i will post on what i think of the movie.. the previews are good and i think the other movies were pretty decent but i am not sure how this one gets:(

There are things in my life that very complicated and ppl sometimes don't understand as what my life and i know some ppl have harder lives than me but i am not going to say that i have the worst..

But i am done for now ... so i will write more l8r

Having Fun....

2004-12-21T06:10:50Z

Yesterday till early this monring i was talking to a freind of mine online which is mainly what i do other than play games. But i was talking to her and i was having fun ... I had started listening to my songs on my computer and was having a riot singing some of the oldies i had on my computer. Most of them i have gotten through my old records i have ... and some i have gotten threw freinds of mine.. all and all last night was fun.. I wish i could actually find someone who could understand the need to be on the computer.

Sometimes i think the need to be on the computer is an addiction.. which is ok in some ways but others it tends to hurt realationships i have had because of the fact i don't do much without the computer.

Well today is ok so far i am sitting at the cyber net cafe and talking to some freinds online and playing some games like i normally do.. i will hopefully have a job this coming week but who knows what will happen in the next week but hopefully i will all get going again...

Well that is all for now i will write more l8r as the time lets me

Lonliness....

2004-12-21T06:09:18Z

Somtimes I think the only way to really get out of lonlyness is to "walo" in it.. This is what happens on occasion and that is what is happening now. It is hard to explain the feeling of lonlyness at times. I belive everyone gets them. Either from family or from someone by them...

There are times when i think that this lonlyness will never end. You walk down the road and see all the ppl holding there special person by the hand and wonder where is mine? Then wonder what is there to the fact of having a someone with you and what is wrong with the person you are to not have anyone around?

It is a hard road to lonlyness and it is never ending on my point of life and it don't end till someone that I charish actually comes my way....

I am still searching and hoping that someone will come... In this i will put in one poem that i wrote a while ago....

Missing link

Missing link are out there. Mine is a person I wish I had. I want someone to hold and to have fun with. There sorrow is mine and there happiness is my happiness as well. When there down, I am down. Where there up I am up. What ever they feel I feel as well and there life is also my life.

By: MABJ 12/11/96

Love

Love can be dangerous if you don't be careful. Love can overwhelm you, it ca also destroy you. It has a strange power over us all. It can make you feel anger, and hatred but also it can make you feel joy and happiness. Be careful of love, it has many sides!!!

By: MABJ ?/?/97

Well that is all in my sorrow and pain i will write more when time comes to post more...

Harrassment......

2004-12-21T06:07:38Z

Well it is kinda funny a freind of mine ask me to msg some old fart who has been harrasing them.. so i did

After all was said and done he msg her and told me to stop HMMMMM she didn't msg him first HOW did he know it was her unless HE KNOWS HE did something wrong?:) LOL well You can figure it out...

Anyways it has been mostly a boring day. I mean I went to the cyber cafe sat there worked on a computer and then sat and played games helped a few ppl get online that is all...

Ohh yea i got a call from a old boss of mine i knew when i worked at a call center .... he owns a local business here... it is kewl i hope i get to work there ... it is somthing that will pay for the bills and hopefully i can keep missy... i don't want to loose her.. she is a very good dog with me:) with others not so bad but still has her times...

Anyways lifes going ok... have had a few more thoughts but those i will wait to type in till tmrw... But i leave this thought and question....

When you think of the word or anything about "christmas" what is the first thing that comes into mind?

thought of the day......

2004-12-21T06:06:16Z

Well today I have been thinking alot. I have come to the conclusion that my life sucks. Well To let you in on this a little seeming only second posting:

my life

Normal people have a job and freinds that they hang with or go to everyday. Well in my life all i do is sleep and go to cyber cafe that my freind owns. I sit there and play a game called counter strike all day long and do nothing.... I have been looking for a job put in apps all over tha place and nothing. NO calls no emails not even rejection letters. I am getting to think that not many jobs around here want some one like me. I am not sure what my is like but hell if anyone knows who you really are. I am not sure what is going on in my life that really comes to of interest to anyone. I just want to post my thoughts and worries of my days that I have.

Well I have a dog, Missy under year old, she is a doll. Althought she is still a pup i am not longer able to fund her food or anything because i have no job right now. Plus, to top it off she is sick and having problems and i can't do anything because of the money situation.... It is hard to say that i might have to hand her over to someone but at least i hope they will be able to take better care of her than i can..

Another thing is the fact of I have been single for about a year now. It is getting almost to much to bear to wake up with not a soul next to me that i can say "good morning" too. It is something else to have someone by you when u wake up but it is another just to have someone there to say good morning too. It is not like i ask for alot in any realationships i have been in i just ask to be loved like i love them. I think there is something wrong with me, either i care to much or somthing else i have yet to find out.

I am sorry about the spelling and gramer in my posts but i was never to good at my spelling or anything dealing with english writing. I can write poems but that is only when i am so depressed that the world really is not my concern and i could just sit in my room and lay on my bed and do nothing... But of course i write so i can release my tention on the world and then i can get back to my boring little life i have.

I am typing alot only for the fact that there is alot to say and i want to get off my chest and it does not come out all proper in order as well... it comes out as it always does in jumbled messes. Then i hope the reader or I most important can make sense of it when i read it later in my day or life.